Here you find my favorite mermaid puns and one-liners. I compiled a list of the best puns I found on the internet as well as my own ones.
You can use them to cheer yourself up or make your friends laugh. The one-liners are also fin-tastic to use as captions on Instagram and other social media.
Mermaid puns
Q: What do mermaids wash their fins / tails with?
A: Tide.
Q: Why was the mermaid kicked out of Math class?
A: She forgot her Algae-bra.
Q: Where does a mermaid prepare her snacks?
A: In the micro waves.
Q: Why does the mermaid clean her room regularly?
A: She likes it tide-y.
Q: Why do mermaids not use computers?
A: They are afraid of the net.
Q: What do you call it if a mermaid is hiding something?
A: Fishy behaviour.
Q: Why do mermaids wear sea-shells?
A: Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big.
Q: How do mermaids give birth?
A: With a sea-section.
Q: What is a male mer-maid called?
A: A mer-butler.
Q: Where does a mermaid sleep?
A: A water-bed.
Q: Where does a mermaid buy fast food?
A: At the dive-in.
Q: Where does a mermaid keep her money?
A: In a river-bank.
Q: What do you call a mermaid who likes to hunt small fish and sleeps a lot?
A: A cat-fish.
Q: What do you call a clever mermaid?
A: So-fish-ticated.
Q: Why did the mermaid get embarassed?
A: Because the sea-weed.
Q: Where did the mermaid meet the fisherman?
A: On line.
Q: What does a mermaid reply to pick-up lines?
A: I’m mer-ried.
Q: What did the sea say to the mermaid?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: How do mermaids weigh themselves?
A: They use their scales.
Q: How do mermaids like to take pictures?
A: With a fisheye lens.
Q: How do mermaids send messages?
A: By sea-mail.
Q: Why don’t mermaids play tennis?
A: They might get caught in the net.
Q: How does a mermaid like her drinks?
A: With a pinch of salt.
Q: What does a mermaid say to a deep sea diver?
A: Don’t feel pressured.
Q: What does a mermaid say to another mermaid that does not share her food.
A: You’re so shell–fish.
Q: What does a mermaid order in a bar?
A: A mer-tini.
Q: What is the opposite of a mermaid?
A: A landlord.
Q: Why didn’t the mermaid finish high school?
A: Because her grades were always under the C.
Q: Why don’t mermaids stay on land for long?
A: They find it over-whale-ming.
Q: What do mermaids use to eat with?
A: Their fish-fingers.
Q: How do you rate a mermaid?
A: On a scale from one to ten.
Q: What does a mermaid say when she does not know the answer to something?
A: I’m not shore.
Q: Why could the mermaid not swim?
A: She pulled a mussel.
Q: Why does the mermaid look at herself in the mirror so much?
A: She is shell-conchess.
Q: Why was the memaid couple so indecisive?
A: Because they both refused to wear the pants in the realtionship.
Q: What does a mermaid do when she gets lost in the ocean?
A: She yells for kelp.
Q: Why do mermaids not swim in the Antarctic?
A: They would not be mer-maids anymore, but ice-maids.
Q: Why does it take mermaids so long to learn the alphabet?
A: They spend too many years at C.
Q: Where does a mermaid get her power from?
A: From Shell gas station.
Q: What’s the meanest gift to give a mermaid?
A: Fishnet stockings.
Q: How do you call it when a mermaid talks quietly?
A: She mer-mers.
Q: What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A: Sigh-ren.
Q: Why did the mermaid leave the ocean?
A: Because she thought it was too mainstream.
Q: Why do mermaids swim in saltwater?
A: Because if they swam in pepperwater, they would sneeze.
Q: What do you call a mermaid that is a famous actor?
A: A star-fish.
Q: What makes mermaids so smart?
A: Their mussel memory.
Q: What a mermaid’s favorite tea?
A: Pearl Gray.
Q: Why do mermaids not like to eat human food.
A: It tastes like crab.
Q: What do mermaids gossip about?
A: Current events.
The little mermaid puns
Q: How does the Little Mermaid type her e-mails?
A: In Ariel.
Q: Why was Sebastian kicked out of college?
A: Because all his grades where under da C.
Q: If Ursula turned the Little Mermaid into a piece of clothing, what would Ariel become?
A: A shoe, complete with a poor, unfortunate sole!
Q: What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
A: An ariel assault.
Q: What do you call a flying mermaid?
A: Aerial.
Q: What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
A: Aerial.
Mermaid one-liners
Shell we dance?
Seas the day.
I washed up like this.
We mermaid to be friends forever.
Seek to sea more.
Could today get any more pearl-fect?
Getting some much-needed vitamin sea.
I shell in love.
Fishing you a happy day.
You mermaid to go far.
Long time no sea.
Party like a lob-star.
We were mermaid for each other.
But first, let me take a shell-fie.
Wish upon a starfish.
Feeling fin-tastic.
It’s the perfect day, for shore.
New shell phone, who this?
Everything whale be alright.
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
I can’t run, I’m a mermaid.
Mermaid hair, don’t care.
Call me on my shell phone.
Mermaid off duty.
Mermaids have more fin.
Beach, please!
I don’t give a clam.
If looks could krill.
Let’s shell-ebrate!
I don’t give a ship.
Hanging with my sea gals.
Feeling so-fish-ticated.
Gill-ty pleasure.
Shell yeah!
Find your porpoise.
Keep clam and carry on.
Life is a fanta-sea.
Sweet and salty.
Let’s scale it up.
You’re my bay.
Water you doing today?
Kelp! I need some kelp.
Are you squidding me?
I fish you were here.
You caught me!
Holy carp!
Fishing for compliments.
I’m hooked on you!
Stop clownfish-ing around!
I’m trying my best, but I keep floundering!
I think I need to scale back.
Is it just fishful thinking?
I feel like a blobfish today.
Don’t be koi.
Have mer-cy on me!
When you fish upon a star.
